I am reading a great book right now: 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice From The Wisest Americans. The first chapter, called “GREAT TOGETHER,” is advice from our elders about choosing the best life partner for yourself.
Their resounding answer to the question what you need most in a life partner is similar core values. And, after one failed and one very successful second marriage at age 50, I couldn’t agree more!
One elder in the book said that when he first seriously started considering a new girlfriend for the role of wife, he showed her a list of the seven or eight things that he most valued, and what he wanted most from his new wife. He included things like “family oriented” and someone who enjoyed lots of touching, because that was important to him.
Of course, there is a catch: to ensure shared core values you must know what your values are, and exactly what you seek in relationships. Have you spent the necessary time alone to clarify your own core values? Could you list them now?
When I met my new husband at age 49, I wanted to make certain we had similar values around money, because I knew dissimilar opinions about how money is spent can ruin a marriage FAST! So one day I brought over my financial information to his house and said, “This is what I have. What do you have?” This launched an honest discussion of what we had saved so far, what we each envisioned spending it on eventually, and what we wanted our retirement to look like.
Yes, shared values are essential. And so is honesty about who you are, and what you want now out of life.
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